During my LSD runs, I have a lot of time to think […out loud]. This morning besides marveling at the glorious weather and fall colors, I was musing over my positive psychology class. At the end of every lecture, Professor Shahar challenges us students in some way or another. It usually focuses on perspective changing. This last class was about that topic actually: focus.
There are two absolutes in terms of people: benefit finders and fault finders. Benefit finders try to make the best of every situation. They do not say “this happenes for the best”, but rather “ok, this happened, how can I make the best of it?” Fault finders focus on the negative in every situation. This puts them in a downward spiral because the negative perception creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of more negative. They find it hard to be happy and in turn get more unhappy in their negativity. Many of us lie somewhere in between. A complete benefit finder is too detached from reality to see for how it is and a complete fault finder is unable to see any good at all and leads a life of quiet desperation.
Our task this week was to take a negative situation in our lives, resolved or not, and try to see the best in it. I chose to look back at my family situation and re-evaluate how I feel towards them.
I tend to look on them with spite, anger and incredulously. I hate feeling like that when I think about them. It makes my head hurt and I get unhappy. I really want to get closer to a place of acceptance. I know I will finally be there when no negative feelings come up when I think of them. Professor Shahar’s exercise was the perfect opportunity to practice this.
This is the “best list” drawn from my family situation:
1.) I am self-sufficient both financial and responsibly. I have learned how to survive and thrive on my own with less help.
2.) I know what I do not want. I do not want a traditional life of mother, father and kids. I want to experience things on my own and feel no pressure to fall in ove, get married and pump out the babies
3.) I have become more accepting of my life choices and the choices of others. There really is no wrong way to live and there are so many variations that all make us unique and interesting people.
4.) I have been forced to make mistakes and learn things for myself. Someone can tell you all about their experience, but actually going through it yourself makes a bigger impact.
5.) I see my parents as equals rather than all-knowing God-like figures. If I do not live up to their standards that is ok and actually a lot better for my life.
What negative situation have you been able to make the best of?