I’ve said it before, my sister and I do not get along. Like oil and water, we are completely different in every way. At times (most times) that causes us to bump heads over everything. For a long time, we would fight over everything neither one of us backing down. This did not occur when we were pre-teens and teenagers…this happened when we were both in college.
She is the youngest child and is used to getting her way.
I am the older sister and expected to “let it go” and be the mature one. About a year ago, I decided she was old enough to not be the baby anymore. I stopped letting her walk all over me. Sorry Elsa, but I stopped “letting it go” because she really did bother me.
This decision was not met with happy feelings from her, nor from my family who was used to me stepping aside and being “mature”.
DING DING! Let the fight begin!
Last year was spent largely either fighting or ignoring angrily. I hated it, but it was the only way I knew how to cope. I couldn’t keep loving and letting her do that to me. In my mind, someone standing up to her was what she needed and she would eventually learn to be a civil human.
This did not work…at least while I was still living at my parents house over the summer. I realized she would never grow up unless everyone in her life pushed her to do this or she realized something was missing. This summer I let her go. I was not angry anymore, I actually felt bad for her. I was looking forward to moving out and starting a new chapter in my life and I knew she was going no where. I felt bad that she would always be stuck in our family rut with a deadbeat boyfriend.
So I moved out and we don’t talk. Never. A few text messages here and there asking basic information. A happy birthday on our respective days, but that’s it. I don’t miss her. She doesn’t miss me.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I had no intention of going home. I was not angry with my decision, simply pragmatic. Thanksgiving is about fun, friendship and love. I cannot think of love eating a dead turkey carcass arguing over the latest Duck Dynasty episode or people asking if I want to go hunting with them. No thanks. So I didn’t go home and it was no big deal. I had a great day with some friends and giving thanks for all things in my life I love.
Ok back to this morning. I got home from the gym to a text message from my sister asking if I was free to get coffee today. I had no concrete plans, so I texted her to get together (maybe it was the exercise endorphins). She picked me up and we got breakfast (I went with something basic, peanut butter on a bagel) and then hit the mall. I forgot it was black Friday!
We talked the whole time. Like normally talk! About life, family things we saw at the mall. It was almost like having a normal relationship with a normal person. It was great to be honest. This is the kind of dynamic I always dreamed of. We could get together, not scrutinize each other, laugh and nag about the family and just enjoy the day.
After a couple hours, she needed to get home to help my mom with her store and I was done shopping. She dropped me off, we said goodbye and now here I am.
I’m not sure were friends exactly, but I can see some sort of relationship growing out of the ashes of the past. All it took was some ignoring, some forgetting and moving away.
Do you have a good relationship with your family?
Anyone get any Black Friday deals?