I love Thinking Out Loud. I assume it’s because today feels different than the other 6 days of the week where I essentially do the same thing: ramble on about what is happening inside my brain. Let’s get the thoughts going. Thanks to Amanda for the link-up!
I had a wonderful brunch with my pastor yesterday and still feel so full from the experience. I want to camp out here on this feeling of fullness. Sometimes, it scares me. When I am full, physically, emotionally, spiritually, I feel more vulnerable. It’s almost as if I feel too complete and therefore if something bad happens, I will not know how to function without fullness. I guess another word for fullness could be routine, expectancy or ritual. I am afraid of being full because what if I get used to it and then it gets taken away. What if I no longer can cope with life’s stress? What if this change in routine is more than I can handle? If fullness becomes my new normal, how will I handle not being fulfilled?
Feeling physically full in terms of eating is something I grapple with daily because my job is not fun if I ate too much and then subsequently have to work on that full stomach. I either get a cramp or feel uncomfortable running around doing my work. However, sometimes I am really hungry and just want to camp out and eat a loaf of bread. Striking a good balance is hard. It would be easier to just eat the same thing everyday and know I will feel satisfied. It also is boring. A sense of fullness is FUN. Trying new foods, eating too many cupcakes or too much soup on my lunch break not only creates a physical fullness, but an emotional fullness that is wonderful as well. Sacrificing physical comfort for emotional bliss is worth is to me…sometimes.
I find it easier to be full when I have the day off and therefore if I get too full, I can just relax after eating and allow food to digest. I also find it easier to allow fullness later in the day when I know all I am doing after eating dinner is going to bed. I like going to be full because that dinner is what fuels my morning workout. If I am hungry, I know the workout might be a bit more of a challenge the next day.
Spiritual fullness is something I am rediscovering and LOVING. Reading my bible, engaging in church services, being with other believers is filling me up in the most amazing way. If I keep God on the forefront I find I am in constant prayer. Prayer for everything around me. I pray I do not make a sarcastic comment. I pray I am able to work on my filter. I pray for my coworkers that they feel this peace I feel when I am in God’s word. Instead of scrolling Instagram during my breaks, I dig deeper in the word. I research the science confirming Christianity. I read about God’s love for me. I simply cannot get enough. I feel full, but also want more. I have been searching for this.
By allowing spiritual fullness, I find physical fullness (even the uncomfortable kind) a bit more assuring. When I read and take a second to pray on my break instead of scroll through media, my stress decreases. My cortisol goes down and my digestion improves. This means I can enjoy the fullness more because it is not making me sick, it is being used to make my body happy.
God is good folks, He is good indeed.
How do you get “full”? Emotionally or physically?